I wrote this a while back to another girlfriend of mine in a similar position.. See, on this road to doing the right thing by God, sometimes we fall off the wagon, we fail BIG time.. I remember I even had to do a mini confession HERE ....
I am posting the letter here for anyone who feels like they've 'failed'.... God's love is so much greater! I pray it blesses you xxxx
First of all, let me start by saying thank you very much for confiding in me. Like I said in our chat, it must have taken a lot of courage and boldness to bare yourself and I am grateful to you for speaking out.
The bible says in Proverbs that in the multitude of counsel, there is safety so when you speak out about an issue, it is a great step towards finding help. The lie and bondage of the devil is to keep you quiet, in isolation and allow the issue eat you up. Thank God for the grace of God.
Please I want you to remember that there is nothing that God cannot do. There is nothing that takes Him by surprise. There is no sin at all that is too much or too bad or too vile for Him. He sees all, He knows all and He loves us all the same (if you forget everything else, please don't ever forget that). Romans 8 tells us clearly that nothing can ever separate us from the love of God. The voice of God is not the voice of condemnation, He is love. His reaction to us is always love. That's His nature and that's the only way He responds to us. GOD IS LOVE. 1John 4:8.
If God does not condemn you, no one on earth has the right to do so. Remember even the woman that was caught in the very act of adultery, Jesus did not condemn her and even dissuaded people from doing so. Anyone that condemns you, does not act of God and their opinion does not matter (including yourself lol).. But honestly, the bible calls the devil the accuser of the brethren, it's his voice that condemns you, that tells you over and over that you are terrible and there's no point trying...
God's voice chastises to repentance in love.
First, my dear, make your peace with God. You need God more than anybody on this earth. You need His forgiveness - cause no matter what you do, it's not just to any man any longer, it's to God who you are ultimately accountable to. Ask Him sincerely for His forgiveness and mercy (He is very wiling to do so and set you free.. You remember that bible passage in 1John that if you confess your sins, He is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins and cleanse you from ALL unrighteousness.
Then, you need to forgive yourself. Dearie, no one should condemn you, including yourself. Once God, who is the only Judge has forgiven you, no one has the right to keep bringing it up. We are all saved and redeemed by GRACE.. We don;t understand grace, we cannot understand the way it works but we believe in God who freely gives it.
Now in terms of moving forward, I will say a few things.
1. Thank God you already realise that it is not right. You realise how much it is hurting your loved ones. Especially your relationship with God, and your self esteem as well.
2. You need to take some very strict measures for yourself and by God's grace abide by it.
3. You will pray as if it's the only solution and then act as if you don't know how to pray. (Faith without works is dead)
4. Commit it into God's hands and pray - please fast as well.. Set out time to fast and pray specifically about it.
5. You know your weakness, now set boundaries around it. Write it down if possible and have an accountability partner.
6. You need to improve your self esteem - Read books, surround yourself with good people, talk to someone (have an accountability partner, possibly of the same sex), listen to tapes.. Keep reading and reading.. Don't get tired of reading or thinking that you can't see the difference yet. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.
7. You need to believe that you are all that God says you are - Complete in Christ Jesus. Worth it as a virtuous woman, priced above rubies, with a high price paid on your head, the temple of the living God that not just anyone can mess with or have access to. You are divinely exclusive.
8. If it helps, you can write this down and say it to yourself again and again everyday. (I believe very much in writing the vision down as it says in Habakkuk 3:17-19)
9. Where you have a weakness with a particular guy, DELETE everything about him in your life - guard your heart carefully and very aggressively).. Don't associate with him in anyway. If it helps, see him as a devil that you cannot afford to mess with - He wants to steal your inheritance, your heritage and he will not succeed in Jesus name.
10. You have to see it as you being in battle and be aggressive about it.. Guard your heart aggressively.. There are some things that others would do and it will be alright but for you it may be expensive so don't use someone else as your yardstick.. You know what gets to you, avoid it like the plague..
I will stop here for now. I would love to talk to you still but babe I want you to know one thing, I will be praying for and with you. God is awesome and able to do all things. You will win in Jesus name
With God, you have no other option but to win. And by His grace you will fulfill your purpose on earth. You will not miss your blessings, you will not be cheated of your Godly inheritance in Christ in Jesus name.
I pray with you in Jesus name that affliction will not rise a second time. God will keep and guard you so that you will be set free from anything that holds you bound in Jesus name. What the devil meant for evil, the Lord will turn around for good in Jesus name.
I love you sis, you are an amazing, phenomenal woman!
Don't forget people, keep building your relationship with God - That's the most important relationship you could ever have!
"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" Romans 8:38-39