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Friday, 29 August 2014

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

My gracious God, full of mercy and compassion.. Slow to anger and so very quick to forgive. You are worthy of my praise oh Lord. No one else deserves the worship that is due to You.

I sang this song by Your son Nathaniel Bassey this morning and I say it to you again right now:

Imela, Imela
Okaka, Onyekeruwa
Imela Imela
Eze'm Oh

Indeed you have done well Papa.. You are truly greater than the greatest. You are the One who made the whole of Heaven and the whole of the earth. You are my very own KING... You are just wonderfully awesome.

Who can match your greatness? Who can match your power Lord? All power in heaven and on earth belong to You. You have the monopoly on power and no one could ever lay claim to a fraction of its ownership.

You are Sovereign, You do as You please and no one can question you.

Yet, in Your Sovereignty, You choose to love us all, to love me, all of me. Thank You for choosing to create me, for choosing to make me female, for choosing to love me, for choosing to bless me, for choosing to invest in me, for choosing to save me, for choosing to redeem me, for choosing to forgive me when I'm wrong, for choosing to die for me, for choosing to look after me, for choosing to be my Daddy.

You choose me even when I fail You or disappoint You (Do You get disappointed? You are the Beginning and the End and You know all things :-).. You knew my (very many) weaknesses yet You still chose to create me. Thank You Daddy.

Thank You for giving me the opportunity of a relationship with You.. Words cannot even begin to fully express the gratitude I have for You. This girl is forever grateful Daddy, forever grateful.

It's another beautiful weekend that You have made and so many things happening too, but I trust You. I trust You Daddy, oh how I trust You...

I would like to please ask Daddy that you comfort, encourage and strengthen anyone going through a difficult time or facing a challenge. Please Lord of Host, let Your peace and Your joy guard their hearts.

Thank You for loving me beyond and despite my short-comings.

I love you always Daddy.

It's me again, your little girl,
One xx

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Conversations with One: #TeamTalk or #TeamNoTalk

Welcome to another edition of Conversations with One!!

Basically, Conversations with One is a chat-series on the blog. Each week, the 1 + TheOne panel (made up of beloved and very wise friends with a variety of personalities) and I bring you snippets of our 'round-table' discussions from a male/female perspective.. We talk about any and every thing!!

Ladies! Have you ever wanted to get into the mind of a guy? (I know I do! lol), and for guys, I bet once in a while you wish you could just read her mind! Well hopefully week after week, we get to bridge that gap!

You can have a look at last week's very interactive conversation where we discussed 'Unrealistic Relationships in Relationships'. You can also have a read of previous episodes HERE.

It's the 7th edition of Conversations with One and there's just something wonderful about the no 7!

Apart from the fact that I was born on the 7th day of the month, it's my favourite number and Sir Shina Peters sang about it {7, 7, 7 is the number!} (hehehe), the no 7 stands for perfection! Therefore, I pray that God will make perfect everything that concerns you as it is written in His word in Psalm 138:8

"The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, oh Lord, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of your hands".

So! This week on Conversations with One, we are discussing that 'Unfinished Business Talk' in relationships!!

Now what is it about Unfinished business? Do you think it is important to revisit the 'Whys' and 'Hows' after a relationship break-up?

We had a very interesting debate about this! There are 2 camps usually to this - "Yes, it's important sometimes to close the chapter and move on, it could also be a learning curve for self-improvement" while some are like "Why? For what?! Relationship over, case closed, key thrown away!"

What do you think? Has it worked for you? Has it back-fired? Has it been pointless? Would you recommend it or discourage it?
Let's conver-sate! Hehe

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Ms TrueTalk: I think it's important to end relationships properly. It's good to have closure and assurance that it's over and it's over! No guess work, 'may-bes' etc. It will help to clear the air, no assumptions, no 'what ifs', no regrets.

It's been nice knowing you - The End
Nubian Princess: Personally, I don't believe in the whole "what went wrong" convo... Too much drama in my own opinion. It's ended, it's ended. Fine! Let's move on with things and the end... :) Maybe muccchhhhhhh later, after all the emotion has exited the building, then a conversation can be had (I have the same opinion on friendships with exes btw... loool) but immediately, to start hashing over what happened, what went wrong, how we could have fixed it, what we learnt from this experience, what we could have done differently... Errr... No thanks!

Ms PYT: I agree. Why the drama na? I don't think I need to have peace making conversation except for guilty conscience sake.
Relationships differ so do break ups. Some end well and some don't and sometimes you find yourself in a situation where one thing leads to the other and you just start digging issues but not that after breaking up you starting calling to set a meeting for peace talk lol.

Relationship Peace Talk - "You see, what had happened was..."
Nubian PrincessLmaooooooooo @ peace talk. *hi5* my hawt Ms PYT!

One: Lol @meeting for peace talk... How about where there is unforgiveness.. Or a need for forgiveness? Like "See, what you did hurt me" etc etc..

NubianPrincess: I think that should be done within a relationship... I don't know sha... 

So, imagine a scenario: Nubian and Tall, Dark and Handsome (TDH) Brother have broken up...

Nubian: Hey TDH, how are you doing? Do you have a minute, I want to talk to you about something
TDH: What's up?
Nubian: I know we're no longer together and this relationship is over but I just really needed to tell you what you did that hurt my feelings and made me feel angry at you.
TDH: Really? What did I do?
Nubian: Well, you blah blah blah blah blah
TDH: I'm sorry
Nubian: I accept your apology and I forgive you.
TDH: Thanks for accepting my apology. Since we're on the topic, I also didn't like when you did/said A.B.C
Nubian: Really? I didn't mean it that way, I actually meant A.B.C
TDH: Oh, now I understand. I didn't take it that way and I didn't like it.
Nubian: I'm so sorry about that. Please forgive me
TDH: I accept you apology and I forgive you
Nubian: Thanks. So, how's work?
TDH: Fine ooh... How's life with you?
Nubian: I'm great, thank God! Anyways, let me let you go, I'm glad we spoke
TDH: Yes, me too. Take care!


Am I the only one that thinks there is something wrong with the above scenario?? *confused look*

One: Perfect conversation Nubian! :-D

Ms Hope: Hellooooo you guys broke up! The conversation won't likely go this well in a real life scenario!!

Mr NumeroUno: About closure, if education taught me anything, it taught me about balance, perspectives, and multi-sided views and the need to respect them. Hence why I try to bring out multi-sided dimensions to any discussion I engage in. In politics and international relations, we recognise commentators from their schools of thought. Mainly 'Realists, Liberalists, Feminist, and Idealist. (There are others...).

In history, a story can have an orthodox view, a revisionist view, or post revisionist view.

So depending on which history book or author's work you read, you may have a one-sided story or an incomplete picture that may have failed to take into account, updated facts, etc.

So that's my long disclaimer before heading for the jugular. 

Spell Ju-gu-lar
One: *runs to grab dictionary*.. Numero Uno has come oh!

Mr NumeroUno: Lol. As a realist, I don't see the need for any long story. As a christian, if she wants us to sit and talk, I owe her the duty to respect her, and sit for the discussion and hopefully air our different sides of the story, agree to disagree, part as friends or whatever. As a man, the male is not naturally wired to be too emotional. We don't like to be emotional at all! It makes us feel weak or feminine. That is our nature, that's not going to change, we can only accommodate Christian principles when we put on the nature of Christ. So we cut our losses and move on. 

Now, who hurt this fine boy?
One: Hmmm... I get your point about men not wanting to be emotional and running away from all the 'emotianal talk' - but what's the deal with that?! Just let it out and let it go! I think that men unfortunately lose out on a lot of great opportunities in life because of this weakness (in my opinion)..

Miss Me: To be honest, I'm on the side of "It's ended, let's move on!" If we're both fortunate enough to naturally glide into a convo about the whys and wherefores of the relationship then fine! Otherwise I'll just say leave it!
Also I think it gives too much power to the other person for one to be waiting on them to close 'that' door. I don't like the thought of having to wait on somebody to 'shut the door'
Besides 7/10 (not sure what happens with the other 3) over time the reasons for the failings of the relationship will come to light!!!

That moment when you see 'The LIGHT'
Ms MIA: For me, I like to settle a matter before I step out of the situation. So I'm one to ask all those 'why' questions even before we go our separate ways. If things aren't going well and the relationship is heading for the rocks, I will drill your blood to find out why because the day I say 'Bye'...it's Bye for good!

One: *I feel like I'm flying solo* - Who's on my side?!! 

Ms TrueTalk: One you aren't running solo, I 1st, 2nd, infact 3rd your motion.
I'm thinking everyone else is going for no talk/closure after the relationship because the 'signs' of an impending end were probably there therefore, 'why bother to ask? It was bound to end anyway'. But what if the relationship, all the while, was 'rosy' and 'perfect' and then out of the blues the man or woman says 'Mi o se mo' (I'm no longer interested'). Come ooon, you will just take a walk?!!! No Qs asked? That will be interesting o.

Ms Hope: Ha "mi o se mo ke"? Without initial prompts? ‎We shall see ya pastor. Lol. And yes, in this case I def will want to have that conversation.
Breakup letter
LOL..
Mr JohnNash: Wow! Personally I have a very curious mind (I know, 'curiosity kills the cat'...)
Also, in everything I do, I work towards the relentless pursuit of perfection, it's an addiction - Relationships, career, my normal everyday life.

Some of the greatest things I have learnt in life have come from the most unlikely of sources. Some of the greatest relationship takeaways have completely shocked me and they were things I was oblivious to during the relationship. I had no idea.

Long after a relationship has ended, no emotions running I usually ask. What could I have done differently? I usually get amazing feedback and everyday I learn more about you amazing creatures called women. It makes me a better man.

It's good to know what you did wrong. You can't be completely innocent for the failure of a relationship.

Albert Einstein said only a strange man does the same thing all the time and expects a different result.

One: Nash! God bless you! You articulated my thoughts and sentiments perfectly. Yaaayy thank God. Company feels great haha. *phew* I was starting to feel weird!

Ms Angel: Sooo.... Personally, I feel that the dangers of asking for closure after things have obviously ended include giving the impression that you still want things to work between you and your ex (1. because your heart will certainly pick up and take on board the most glaring lessons, and nobody should need to tell you because if your heart is hurt... it will shout lool.
2. Nobody is the same...what may please one may hurt another, so to ask exclusive questions may mean you want an exclusive answer..?)

Ms UTA: Sincerely speaking, if you were the one that ended the relationship, you wouldn't bother to ask why it didn't work. You saw the handwriting or realised that no he's not the one or not mature enough. So you decided to end it. Also, if shortly after it ended you met someone who swept you off your feet, you wouldn't bother. You'd wish them well in their future endeavour lol

One: Hmmm.. Personally, when I've done the closure talk, no emotion was involved + it wasn't a veiled attempt for reconciliation. I wanted to just understand what happened. The first time I did, it helped clear a lot of self-doubts I had. The thing is sometimes after the end of a relationship where one is not quite sure what happened, it's possible to affect your self-esteem like "what was wrong with me?!"

MrMotivation: I believe 'E‎x-es' are who they are for a reason. Seeking closure could be good but on the other hand awakening feelings that lead to nowhere other than the boulevard of heartbreak.
So I just feel little or limited line of communication should exist between parties and everyone should "face front"..... Shikena....c'est fini

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We could go on and on (which we did! lol).. But over to you... What team are you? Team Talk or Team No Talk!!

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Do you have any question? Please do not hesitate to ask!

Email - oneplustheone@gmail.com
Twitter - @1plustheone
Instagram: @1plustheone

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Waiting and Loving It!!! Feat Rebecca and James Aladiran

Hello beautiful people!!

I present to you another edition of Waiting and Loving It!!

First time here?! Welcome! I love you already!! *cheesy grin*.. If you'd like an introduction to the series/project, please click HERE, HERE and HERE.

This week, we have a very beautiful couple whose feature took 7 mountains and 10 hills to achieve haha iKid.... All I can say is that the wait is well worth it and I am very grateful to Rebecca and James for taking out time of their very busy schedule to chat with us!

I know that you will be blessed by their real and very frank expressions!

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Rebecca and James Aladiran
Hello Mr and Mrs Aladiran! A real pleasure to have you on the Waiting and Loving It 'seat' this week! You're welcome.. Could you please introduce yourselves?

Rebecca: Hello! We are Becky and James Aladiran and we lead a prayer movement called Prayer Storm: www.prayerstorm.org. I lead worship and James leads the Intercession. We are in love with God and running after a grace enabled lifestyle that is holy and set apart to Him. We love to seek and worship Him and are on a journey after His presence. We also have a baby who turned 1 recently! I am 24 and James is 30 and we celebrated our two-year anniversary on the 28th of July which is the day after our baby's birthday. Our son is named Justice.

Hiya! I'm Justice Aladiran :-) Cuteeee!
I also train two days a week as a seamstress working for a Christian business called Wedding Angels (http://www.theweddingangels.org) that helps couples get married with everything they need. Hopefully in two years I'll be able to make a wedding dress from scratch!

James works full time at the Message Trust as their Prayer coordinator and splits his time there to also establish Prayer Storm which he will be transitioning into full time as it becomes a registered Charity in September!

James: Like my wife has said, I'm James and I lead a Christian Charity called Prayer Storm, I've been married for two years :-)

Thank you guys! Lovely to meet you.. So tell us James, how did you meet Rebecca?

         The Worship Leader & The Intercessor! :-D
James: I met Becky through prayer Storm. At the time I was looking to connect with musicians/worship leaders who had a heart for Prayer. I worked with her mum at The Message Trust and mentioned to her one day that I was looking to connect with young people with a heart for prayer. She recommended that I got in touch with Becky because she is a worship leader and has a heart for prayer.

Rebecca: I will let this video tell the story...
(1 + The One - Please, please watch and just be amazed + blessed + awww at it!)

video


..What was the attraction for you?

James: Her heart for God and the vision she had for her life was the same as the vision I had for mine.

And Rebecca?

Rebecca: I loved James' passionate pursuit of Jesus. I started out really respecting Him as a man of God and later fell in love with Him in a Prayer meeting! There's nothing more attractive than a man after Gods own heart!

That's really beautiful Becky. 
How did you know that "This is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?"

Engaged!
Becky: I knew I wanted to spend my life with James because I knew he was God's best for me and our destiny was a powerful one together. I know that for me not to have married James would have cost me God's best for me in terms of my destiny and purpose in God. 

James: We became best friends and I fell in love with her. I felt in my heart that my destiny was connected with hers. Plus I felt God speak to me about it.

That's wonderful.. Now to the main question, what inspired your decision to wait? 

James: For me, I wanted to honour God and honour Becky. I knew it was the right thing to do.

Rebecca: When I hit puberty and started to develop and experience hormones, (wink wink nudge nudge) because of my lack of maturity and understanding...plus media exposure, I said to God "I don't know why it's important to wait, I only see sex as a pleasure thing but people call it making love and until I can understand the concept of making love I don't think I'm mature enough to make any kinds of decisions on sex." So I waited for understanding and prayed for Grace to keep myself pure because I knew I could easily have just given into very strong temptation + a truck loada hormones! 

Anyway when I was 17, I felt God tell me to leave College to do a gap year called Challenge Team UK which was a charity which sent a bunch of 18-25 year olds to tour the UK delivering assemblies and school & college lessons on saving sex for marriage. Although this charity was run by Christians, it wasn't a Christian charity and had no biblical content to its material shared in schools. They gave Christian training to us by a lady named Pam Stenzel (Sex Has a Price Tag) which was awesome and we went into schools and talked about the physical and emotional consequences of sex, the damaging effects of pornography, and how to build long lasting healthy relationships. We did it in a way that made sense and was fun and hilarious for the kids and young adults. We talked about sexual health, as well as pregnancy and contraception and their user failure rates which was scarily high man! But so many kids would thank me at every place I went to saying "I never knew I could just say no."

As much as I learnt and became wiser through these times I never became so thankful I waited until after marriage. After nearly 2 years I still say to my James, I'm so glad I waited! I'm not gonna get graphic but the first time we had sex, even though we had little idea of what we were supposed to do, it will always be my favourite time. Your 'first time' is probably the most vulnerable thing you'll ever do. To expose your whole self to someone for the first time is the time that usually sticks the most and I'm so blessed to have shared it with my James on our wedding night. 
I shudder at the thought of someone else knowing me that way. You'll never realise how precious your first time is until you've experienced it. I can't even stress it enough. It's more than just pleasure. Media and pornography have made it so impersonal and distorted. I remember a friend of ours who believed in waiting but just didn't, and ended up living with their spouse before marriage and he said to us after he got married (when we were engaged) that he never knew how important it was to wait until he got married and he wished he'd just waited and now I'm married I completely understand why. 

You know there are so many facts and statistics I've heard and known over the years that tell you saving sex for marriage is the best way, the most biblical, the safest and healthiest. Which I totally agree with, but I just wanna share with you from my experience that there's no greater gift than sharing your first time together with your spouse, and until you experience your wedding night for yourself you're just gonna have to take my word for it. :-)

Also, I have to say that it's NEVER too late to start waiting if you haven't. 

Thanks for that in-depth response Becky and for sharing your personal experience as well! Was it difficult though, like did you get to any point when you wanted to just let go and give in?

Becky: Oh Lord! Is that a rhetorical question? I don't understand people who find it easy. My advice to anyone is to find accountability that knows where you are and when, and asks you tough questions because you will want to let go and you will make it happen if you aren't accountable. Things that worked for us - Find someone you are honest with but you'd be way to ashamed to do something and then have them know. Cover yourselves in prayer. Don't stay up late. Try to be in public together. Guys don't think you're 'safe' around your lady because we can be just as horny as you fellas! Put a time limit on how long you spend time together. Watch where you put those hands! Girls dress extra modest around them. Leggings are not trousers you may see it that way but guys don't! lol. Guys be honest about your struggles with things your lady may be doing or wearing which is causing you to stumble. 

Honesty is key - Be honest and open with each other
James: No, I didn't just want to "just let go" lol. Yes, it was difficult, but we were both committed to staying pure till we got married so we made ourselves accountable to people around us. We both knew we had to fight for purity. In our eyes the victory was much more greater than momentary pleasure.  
I believe the power of sin is in secrecy. So, what we tried to do was to walk in the light and not have things hidden. We made ourselves accountable to people who could ask us the hard questions. We had physical limits i.e. no go areas in terms of touching, kissing etc... We set time limits too.

Thank you for that. Any advice you would give to yourself as a single person in preparation for marriage now you've crossed that line?

Rebecca: You're gonna be married for the rest of your life, singleness and waiting is quickly finished. 

James:  Let God do so much work in you that when you get married it is easier to reflect His heart and love to your spouse everyday. Surround yourself with Strong, Godly, pure men of God.

Nice one, noted! In 3 sentences, what's your experience of being married?

"Doing life with my best friend"
Rebecca: Doing life with your best friend and being one in everything. Dreaming together and for each other. Falling asleep in each others' arms!

James: Dreaming together, companionship and growing in God together.

Beautiful! Finally, before we go, it's PDA time! We always like to encourage you to publicly affirm each other -

Rebecca: James we've been through so much together and I'm glad it's you I've been through it all with. I never stop thinking about how perfect we are for each other and how I've never respected or looked up to anyone like I do you. I love doing life together and growing up together. I love you so much and can't wait for the future!

James: Thanks Becky for challenging me in so many areas to be more like Jesus. I love spending time with you and doing this thing called life together. I'm excited about the future and all that's ahead of us. I love you!!

"I love you!"
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Awww *grabs tissue*.. I absolutely loveee reading every single Waiting and Loving It interview. It's a joy being welcomed into a little bit of these wonderful couples' world and it's even more beautiful learning and being inspired by their individual relationships with God and their decision to save sex till marriage.

I think the consensus is that it's not at all easy.. Like Rebecca responded when we asked if it was difficult, "Is that a rhetorical question?" lol.. Don't get it twisted, it ain't easy (at all, at all!) - Attraction is a wonderful blessing and managing it could be quite dicey! But by God's grace it's very possible..

Another thing that has been mentioned a few times is ACCOUNTABILITY! Be accountable. It's a good idea to have someone you can talk to and be honest with. It's not 'policing' you, it's just ensuring that you are not doing this alone and you can draw strength when those weak moments come.. 

By God's grace, I am Waiting and Loving It!!!

You like?
Please click HERE for other Waiting and Loving It Couples... And please don't forget to share too!

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Do you have any question, please do not hesitate to ask!
Email - oneplustheone@gmail.com
Twitter - @1plustheone
Facebook - www.facebook.com/1plustheone
Instagram - @1plustheone

Monday, 25 August 2014

What is your Marriage/Relationship Mission Statement?

... That was one of the best things I learnt from The Convo on Saturday - Having a Marriage/Relationship mission statement.

So good people reading this blog, you know I attended a fabulous event over the weekend right?

From The Convo with love!
It was The Convo with Tobi Atte, the first edition in Lagos (I say the first because I hope that there will be many more subsequent editions)...

So before the day (Saturday the 23rd of August), I had been giddy with excitement and absolutely looking forward to it! I had seen pictures and videos from past events in America and I am also a keen follower of Tobi Atte's blog www.ijustmetme.com... And of course, not to forget that he and his wonderful wife Roseline-Bukky were the first couple to be featured on the Waiting and Loving It series!! You can imagine my enthusiasm!!

So my gorgeous and fab friend Miss FunmiB was gracious enough to stop by on her way, to pick me up and our mutual excitement was soo real! Haha

The fabulous Ms FunmiB and I setting out! :-D
We got to the beautiful Nike Art Gallery - a great venue choice! Very very beautiful and the ambiance was just on point! We were welcomed with Hors d'oeuvres aka small chops as promised and it was a great opportunity to chat with such lovely people! I was excited to meet friends that I had made via blogsville, in person and also the winner of the Blog-giveaway, the lovely Damilola Oseni and her date Seun!

The lovely Damilola Oseni and Seun!
The Convo kicked off with our smooth and debonair host aka Bukky's Suga Suga, Mr Tobi Atte introducing himself and the event. He was sure ready for Lagos!
I learnt so many things and a lot of what he said gave me food for serious thought. It was practical enough for me to actually evaluate my relationships and nod (you know that kind of deep nod when that word is for you, ehen that kind) at different points of his very engaging presentation. It helped a lot that he infused his presentation with visual aids, videos and a very good sense of humour!

The amazing host of The Convo - Mr Tobi Atte
Now, I know that some people are waiting to get the details of what he said but errr nah! You should have been there (hehehe.. Self-content laugh *that is not very Christian in nature*).. I will just share a few 'pregnant' statements that should make you take a moment to digest (aka Selah)..

- People will treat you as good as they know how to, not as good as what you are worth. (The end of that relationship? It really wasn't you, it was the limitation in their capacity to love or vice versa)

- True love is not always about receiving love, it's about increasing your capacity for love

- Have a Marriage/Relationship mission statement. (What would you like it to look like? Also, review it often - This one was one of my favourites)

- Being unequally yoked could be two people who are good, but not right for each other (*Nod*)

- If you want God's best, you have to be God's best!!!!

- If you want me, earn me! (Oh I love this one :-D)

- Marriage is service, it's ministry. If you are not ready for ministry/service, don't get married!

... And on and on I was enriched! I couldn't possibly give you full details of what and how it was communicated but if you weren't there, I can summarise it in 2 words - YOU MISSED!!

Post-event Selfie :-)
PS When blogger and winners of The Big Nigerian Wedding, SisiYemmie and her very amiable husband Bobo walked in, one of the things I remember crossing my mind was that it's a great idea to continue attending events like this even after marriage.. There's always something new to learn or to re-learn/refresh. I plan to do that by God's grace.
As a married couple, build each other up, read those books you read in preparation for marriage together often, listen to those messages again, re-do the Love language test, make sure that you are refreshing your marriage and breathing new life and information into it again and again!

Thank you for a wonderful event Tobi and Bukky Atte, God bless you richly and increase His grace upon your lives to continue to greatly affect the lives of many across the world.

Connect! Connect!! Connect!! With Tobi Atte/Ijustmetme
PS for more pictures from the event, you can check out our Instagram page @1plustheone
Follow us also on Twitter @1plustheone and on Facebook www.facebook.com/1plustheone

PPS My weekend was FULL! I met the wonderful Atilola Moronfolu of www.hattyllola.com and African Naturalistas fame at a separate event over the weekend as well.. It was so surreal!! lol.. I was thinking in my mind - So this is THE Atilola lol (Even though externally I was tryna keep my cool and all haha).. One word Power-house! I look forward to more meetings Atilols *I can call you that now right?* lol

Have a wonderful week people! xx

Friday, 22 August 2014

Dear Daddy - Mobolaji Amusu

Dear Daddy,

I'm writing this letter to you because you have given me more than enough reasons to. I can't even start mentioning all the reasons now because if I did, no one would finish reading this post. 

Daddy, do you know how much you are? This much....too much. Your love is immeasurable and un-describe-able. I just want to say THANK YOU. Thank you daddy...for life, for love, for hope, for salvation, for mercy, for the assurance of your presence in my life, for being my true and faithful friend when friends disappointed me, for being my Father when I had no father and for all the amazing people I've met through this blog-platform. If I began mentioning their names, Daddy you won't even be able to go and answer other people's prayers. They are the best things that have happened to me since May. Just reading their comments lifts up my spirit.

Daddy you are my Rock, my One and Only, my Protector, my Provider, my Shield, my Strength, my Hope, my Counsellor, my Teacher, my Everything, my Healer, my Eternal Rock of Ages, my Super Hero.... **Super man doesn't know what it means to be super**, I love you daddy. 

Who am I that you love me this much? What did I do to deserve this much love? Lord I'll be 23 tomorrow and I look at my life and all I can say is Thank you. Thank you for sending your son to die for my sins because that action was all I needed to know you. Daddy when I was un-loveable, you loved me still... you did not give up on me even when I turned my back on you. You gave me reasons to live and love again. How can I say I love you without sounding so cliché? 

I am grateful Daddy. All that I am, all will be, I thank you for it. Thank you for my mum, Le boo, my amazing sisters, my beautiful friends, and my ever sufficient, ever mobylized readers. Daddy do you know what I want as a birthday gift asides abundant life, unlimited favor, good health, wealth and a new laptop? *I know I can be selfish like that..*giggles*...I want you to bless everyone reading this...yes that beautiful girl with a smile that can melt the heart. Yes Her..Bless her... And that Brother that is yearning for your love in his heart, bless him too. And that handsome guy that is wondering what Moby is writing..... Bless him too. And that person(s) visiting my blog for the first time and is contemplating bookmarking the blog on their phone.... Bless them too.

Thank you for adding another year to my life...that's the greatest gift of all. Thank you Daddy. I won't get tired of saying it... I love you.

Thank you heavenly Father...May your name be forever praised, adored, honoured, magnified and glorified.

XoXo.

Yours Sincerely,
Amusu Mobolaji O.

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Moboloaji Amusu aka Moby is a beautiful Blogger who blogs at www.mylifeasmoby.com. After reading the Dear Daddy Posts on 1+TheOne, she was inspired to write one herself which she published on her blog on the 19th of August (Her birthday was on the 20th of August so please say Happy birthday and a prayer for her :-) 
Here's wishing the lovely Moby an unforgettable year! We pray that as she has openly acknowledged and thanked her Daddy, He would openly enrich her with blessings too numerous to count in Jesus name. 
Happy Birthday hun!

Thursday, 21 August 2014

Conversations with One: Wow! That's an Unrealistic Expectation!

Welcome to another edition of Conversations with One!!

Basically, Conversations with One is a (relatively) new chat-series on the blog. Each week, the 1 + TheOne panel (made up of beloved and very wise friends with a variety of personalities) and I bring you snippets of our 'round-table' discussions from a male/female perspective.. We talk about any and every thing!!

Ladies! Have you ever wanted to get into the mind of a guy? (I know I do! lol), and for guys, I bet once in a while you wish you could just read her mind! Well hopefully week after week, we get to bridge that gap!

You can have a look at last week's conversation where we discussed 'Things That Made You Go Awww'. You can also have a read of previous episodes HERE.

This week, we start off the discussion on something that is known to kill relationships even before they take root!

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS!!

I thought he/she would never change!

Unrealistic Expectations: Such a damper on relationships!
What do you consider to be unrealistic expectations in relationships. Sure, there should be an element of expectation if you are committing yourself to another person but what is realistic and when are you crossing the line to being totally, absolutely unreasonable!

Phone calls every hour? At least once a day? A surprise each week? A full time career wife who is also a master-chef dishing out day in, day out (you know how you just detest more than a day-old meal :-).. Never saying hurtful things to you, never having an argument, paying for your siblings' education, changes after marriage etc... The list is endless.


We would also love to have you join the discussion in the comment box, and as always please give practical experiences where possible!

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Mr NumeroUno: Full time career wife + Master chef is not unrealistic o! Haven't you watched Mr & Mrs Smith? See Angelina Jolie in action. lol.. Anyway, just kidding. Hehehe

One: Hahaha. I kinda guessed that would be the first thing people (particularly guys would point out lol). Thank God Angelina Jolie in Mr and Mrs Smith was fictional. Let's find out if she 'throws-down' in real life too after a hectic day! (Ok, let me not turn this into a cooking debate lol)

But mehn that question can be so annoying "So can you cook?" Like the response I saw on Instagram says:

 Yup, that's right! lol

Ms Hope: For me, expecting a man/woman to meet all your needs. Women especially fall into this folly. Generally speaking, being the more emotional beings, we unrealistically demand the men in our lives to meet all our emotional needs - "He has to be sensitive", "He has to always be there as a shoulder to lean on", "He must never fail me", "He cannot admire another woman as I'm his all in all", "He has to be available to listen to every whine", "He must understand when it's my monthly cycle", "He must be available to rub my back and still be empathetic when I slap his hands off... " It's a tight corner for him. The man is poised to fail in this stance. He isn't perfection, he isn't created to meet all needs, only one person can do that, and He is God.

I blame Disney....
One: Amen to that Sisteh!! I know what you mean.. I saw another joke once (I'm full of it today mehn lol).. "I heard a girl speaking to her boyfriend once and I thought she was speaking to God because only God could meet all the requests she demanded" lol

Ms PumpkinUnited: I totally agree with Ms Hope.. I agree that we ladies can expect the impossible from a guy and funny enough, the things we're expecting we don't even have to give (smh).. We need to take it heazy .. Sometimes I expect my boo to be reachable whenever I want to reach him - don't miss my calls, reply my messages asap (even if you're in a meeting or making a presentation, there just has to be a way for you to do the magic of replying). Please don't interfere while I'm narrating my ordeal (but when he keeps silent I still accuse him of being insensitive), Don't even think of sleeping off on me when I'm talking with you, but funny enough, I find myself doing all these things to him and even more, especially the sleeping off on the phone one, yet he has not crucified me. Like seriously, I wonder how he copes with me (but hey they say love conquers all things..lool). I'm really not that bad though, ask him! :-D

Hands up if you're guilty of this!
One: LOL, oh dear! I wouldn't want to be boo when you're throwing your tantrums.. But I can so see myself in what you have said! *covers face in shame*. Any other examples?

Ms TrueTalk: Unrealistic expectations, abi?  Oya 2 angles: (1) Expecting 'night devotions' will be a daily affair or spur of the moment act. Realistically, it might be so in the first few months, but as the marriage grows and all the 'bukata' (issues/busy-ness) and things set in, it might turn into timetable matter or in some extreme cases, divine intervention may be required.

(2) Expecting that your home should be run like your dad or his d‎ad used to. This can cause plenty fights. Better to build your own home, just the way you dreamed or imagined it.

Ms Hope: Madam TrueTalk, kisses. I unequivocally support point number 2. It's not my father's house, he didn't grow up with my father and has no idea how father dearest ran things. ‎So I don't expect him to do things like my dad did/would do. We mostly fall into this folly of expecting things to mirror where we're coming from. Hellooo, two different backgrounds here, we both have to come together to build our own stories, path, legacy...

No 1? I think it's important we find time to pray together. It's even amidst the bukatas that we need God most. I remember that saying - "A family that prays together stays together".

NubianPrincess: Hi everyone.... Ms Hope, you've said it all! And, yes I agree, women are terrible. I once went to one of my spiritual leaders with my list for my husband. I read all 45 character traits, qualities etc out to him that hubby dearest must have. When I was done, he laughed for a while and said "Nubian, look, even if Jesus himself came, he would have a pretty hard time meeting all the characteristics on that list. Narrow it down to about 4/5 things max that are important to you. God will give the man everything else you need."

I have to admit, at the time I thought, what does he know? But I prayed about it, spoke to some of my trustworthy married friends about it and my eyes "came down".

I'm not married, but I'm in an amazing relationship with an awesome man. In the beginning, he showed the essential qualities... But he also has most of the qualities on my initial list. Coincidence? Or God? I pick God! :)

One: The advice you got is spot on! God has a way of giving us what we need + plenty jara as you testify! *smiling widely* (And that is how Nubian has openly declared are status hehehe)..

Ms PumpkinUnited: I don't subscribe to marrying my husband's entire family cause I'm married to him, or him being married to all mine because he is married to me.. I believe in the privacy of marriage and privity of contract.. I dont like the idea of our siblings and relations coming to live with us all in the name of marriage.. I guess I grew to have a phobia for it cause of the wreckage I've seen it cause.. 

NubianPrincess: I've seen it cause problems but I've also seen it work really, really well! I think it depends a lot on you, your husband and the FAMILIES you're both coming from. I know an amazing family who are Christians. Each son marries and brings the wife home to live in the family house. So in the house, they have about three married men, three wives, mummy and daddy, some younger siblings... and there is peace that surpasseth allll understanding! Looool! If my husband wants to try that 'P', I'll tell him to hold on till we can rent a one-bedroom flat somewhere before we marry! Loool. But my point is that it works for some people - it depends a lot on background and upbringing.

Family portrait anyone?
Ms PYT: Nubian, 3 married couples living under the same roof, wow! Where is their privacy. They can't even do 'night devotion' in the kitchen or bathroom witho‎ut any interruption lol

NubianPrincess: Looooool! Gurlll... Perhaps, if they're extra quiet... Or if the Generator is on... Okay, I'm sealing my lips now! Loool!

Ms PumpkinUnited: I once heard a lady say her hubby does not eat overnight food, so in other words, she cooks fresh food everyday, and he doesnt eat fod prepared by a maid or cook or whatever, he even takes lunch to work. I was like are you kidding me, did he marry a wife or a Chefress. I think it's one of the most unrealistic and selfish things I have ever heard *mtscheeww* 

One: Fresh food each day + a full time job? Thanks, but no thanks. That woman has more than 1 full time job then! Like Pumpkin said, I think it is very selfish!! (raised to the power 100).. I can BET that the man's taste would rapidly change if he had to do the cooking himself! Was he eating like that as a bachelor?!! Even one month-old food would have seemed like heaven.. Gosh mehn! Have mercy on your wife please!! Later she would age faster than him and his story would change to "She's not the same woman I married, she looks so haggard" - Uhm, yeah, the woman you married wasn't working as a Labourer!

Hello! I turned 30 last week.. My husband likes fresh food
Mr JohnNash: Wow! Amazing comments so far...
I think it's a sensitive topic. Personally I think a man has his role in the house so does a woman. A lot of girls close to me know I cook very well, so going into the kitchen to make food is easy pizzy.

I think it's my wife's responsibility to cook for me in the same way it's my responsibility to provide for her and protect her. For instance would you not be amazed if you came to my house and you saw my wife trying to change her flat tire. Tufiakua!!!!

However everything should be done within reason. If I get home at 5pm and my wife is scheduled to arrive by 8pm. Then it will be spiritual wickedness for me to wait for her to come cook for me by 8pm while I am home doing nothing. Or tell her to make me pounded yam at 11pm...

The look I give when you ask for Pounded yam at 11pm! #INeverHexperredit
One: Hahaha @spiritual wickedness, amen to that!!

Ms Hope: I agree at you providing for wife while she cooks.... How about these days when women tend to run same work schedule as men, and bring about same pay check home?
Can the kitchen runs now be shared?

One: I was just going to ask the same thing? Since financial responsibilities in many cases are split in half, do we also half cooking responsibilities *huge grin*

Mr JohnNash: Ho my God!!! Now they attack me :)

Of course the kitchen runs can be shared, I absolutely agree. Like I expressed earlier, you will see that I agree... However, the kitchen runs should be a secondary role for a guy not a primary one.
I believe the woman owns the kitchen - my opinion…

One: Lol. No attack, just curious. I loved your earlier response by the way, very correct. I think it's a lot about being realistic and considerate to each other's wellbeing - if I were in his/her shoes, would I want to be treated this way?

NubianPrincess: I think to a certain extent, 'unrealistic' differs from person to person and relationship to relationship. I have a friend whose hubby opens doors for her, stands up when she walks into a room and every time she gets up... No Joke.... If another friend makes that her expectation... F9

I have a friend who told her now husband that if he proposes with a small ring, she CAN'T say yes... Perhaps if lady B tries it, she ain't ready to get married for a whileeee!

Guessing this wouldn't work for her then? lol
One: Wowiee at the husband of that your friend whose gentlemanliness is out of this world! Imagine seeing that and adding it to 'the list'. So guys, is it possible? Because me I can like that kind of dude oh!!

NubianPrincess: So can I add to that question... Is 'unrealistic' unrealistic across all relationships? If lady A has a Picanto for example, an expectation may be for him to have a Toyota. If Lady B drives a Porsche however, naturally, the ante would go up and he must drive a... Ferrari?

Thoughts?

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"For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." - Galatians 5:13

And so we conclude this week's Conversation. What's your take? Is 'unrealistic' unrealistic across all relationships? What do you consider as an unrealistic expectation in your relationship?

PS Concerning the cooking debate, I read this great post on the beautiful Graciemama's blog - 'When Cooking is Not Just Her Thing'. You should check it out too!

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Do you have any question? Please do not hesitate to ask!

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